I'm sorry I've been gone for so long, but you, see things have been out of balance. And when I say things...I mean most everything in my life. Let's begin with the moving of the weights.
First weight: I have only recently been having a daily Bible and prayer time on a consistent basis again. This was the first weight on the wrong side of the scale. Christ promised, "I will never leave you, nor forsake you," and he has always kept his promise. I also made a promise to Christ to be faithful, but I have time and time and time and time again done exactly that. I have left. I have forsaken. But God is so good, so merciful, so gracious. He sent his Son to die on the cross so that I could have life, and continually I toss it aside. But, He stays. He never leaves. He loves me, and most miraculously of all He pulls me back into his arms, holds me close to His heart, and puts me back in my place of honor as His child as if it never happened. Now? I still disappoint my Father, but I am not ignoring it. I am more aware of my sins, am more appalled by my own sinfulness. God has put a much larger mirror in front of my face, and though I still see my own reflection instead of His, "...I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."(Phil 1:6)
Second weight: I became more interested in what was happening on Facebook or in politics than I was with my family and my home. Some of you know this about me, but I love to learn. I am a fount of sometimes usefull information because I read everything. Search engines are a dangerous tool for me. I may begin by searching for a recipie, but I will end up 3 hours later learning about vermicomposting and how to use the resultant product. During this time, I would kinda sorta take care of things. I would keep the kids fed, clothed, and safe, but I was not being their Momma. Thank God, this part started after we were finished with school and my children's education did not suffer. But my relationship with them did, and that is far more important. The housework? Well, it suffers still, but for a different reason. I'm snuggling on the couch with my babies and a book. How did I get past this? Rock. He is truly my rock. I wouldn't be who I am if it wasn't for him. He fulfills his job as my spiritual leader. I thank God he has given me Rock. Rock basically grounded me from the computer for almost a month. I still go to my favorite websites to read, but I am only allowed a certain amount of time.
Third weight: This part is physiological, and I have an appointment with my Dr. at the end of this week. Please pray for my Dr. that she will have wisdom to be able to help me. My hormones are all out of whack. Which basically means that I am fighting for control of my emotions 2 weeks out of each month. This is new ground for me. I have never really had many of the symptoms of PMS, and only slight cases of Baby Blues for a couple of weeks right after my babies were born. Now? Rock has to rescue me at least a couple of days a month, and I am fighting tears the rest of the time. The symptoms have gotten worse, but since I have been having a daily quiet time I do not have feelings of panic.
Slowly but surely, the scales are tipping back into balance. I understand the reality of weight one and weight two. These are direct results of my disobedience to God, but again He restored my soul, and He will lead me down the paths of righteousness for His names sake. I do not understand the whys and wherefores of weight number three, but I do know that He is saying to me as He said to the Apostle Paul, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Cor 12:9)
